If your heart is with God you tend to find him in the little things in life. You can't help but love him when the rain waters your parched plants or when someone encourages you in a terrible time. I had one of these moments last night.
Steve and I went bowling with our college class and that in itself is a blessing. All the young adults that we were there with love to have a good time and I have found that they have a good time doing whatever it is they are doing. Their passion in and of itself makes you feel like God is right there with you, laughing with you because people who love him were gathered together.
I have my own bowling ball from when I bowled in a league when I was previously married. When we split, my darling ex decided to draw a broken heart on everything I owned including on my actual bowling ball. Thankfully the other stuff he just drew on the boxes. Anyway, for three years now my bowling ball has had a broken heart crossed out on it in sharpie. I tried to clean it off to no avail.
Last night I thought I would ask the guys at the bowling alley how much it would cost to get it off or if they could even get it off. Instead of giving me a price they offered to do it for free. Even when it included having to sand the bowling ball, they still did it for free. To many people something like that wouldn't mean much, but to me it felt like God helping me get rid of anything that would remind me of my past failures. I knew in that moment that all God is worrying about is what my present and future holds. The past is of no consequence anymore. All that matters is being in love with my Father and living for him and anything that tries to get in the way of that is unacceptable.
I was so moved by such a small act of kindness that those guys did. I have been so blessed and in ways that I would never have expected. Not only has my heavenly father forgiven me for my past, but he has allowed me to forgive myself and those involved so that I can be an effective member of his family. What greater gift is there than that?
I have to encourage you, if you don't know your heavenly father on an intimate, personal level; I want to encourage you to get to know him on that level. Being in your Bible everyday. Studying His Word daily and taking time to pour your heart out to him helps you to develop a wonderful relationship with him. And in doing so, even when things aren't going exactly how you feel they should, you know that he is there keeping it all under control and helping you get through the troubled times.
Sunday, August 8, 2010
Thursday, August 5, 2010
Hurt feelings Followed by God's Blessings
We were at church last night and I was once again reminded of how women with kids like to look down on women without kids. I already feel awful that I had the decision taken from me and I don't need people reminding me they are somehow better than me, whether they truly are or are not. I try to remember that some people don't know I can't have kids and that it wasn't my choice, but it is still hard to deal with when someone reminds you that you don't have children. Ot that my stepchildren aren't my real children so the feelings toward them aren't the same. It is so hard for me to deal with not having my own children, but I try to rest in the arms and promises of God. It just doesn't stop the feelings that come when people say hurtful things.
Last night when we got home, I was feeling very hurt and very down. I was having a mild pity party. Thankfully my sweet hubby was a great listening ear, but I really wanted someone who knew what I was going through. I googled "Hystorectomy Under 30" and found a wonderful website called HysterSisters.com. Wow what a healing balm for my hurt feelings. This website was filled with other women who had hystorectomy's. Some have children, others who don't. Some as young as I am and others that are older. Some Christian and some not christian. It was awesome to see these women and read their stories and know for 100% certainty that I was having normal feelings and that it is rude for people to treat me any differently.
It goes back to Jesus treating everyone the same and being a friend to the friendless. People tend to forget that Jesus didn't judge on what a person could or couldn't do or what a person had been through. I believe Jesus sees I love my stepchildren and try to do right by them. I know he sees that I love him and am trying to live the life he asks of me. I know he has a plan for me. I just wish sometimes other people would see my heart before they ran their mouths!
Last night when we got home, I was feeling very hurt and very down. I was having a mild pity party. Thankfully my sweet hubby was a great listening ear, but I really wanted someone who knew what I was going through. I googled "Hystorectomy Under 30" and found a wonderful website called HysterSisters.com. Wow what a healing balm for my hurt feelings. This website was filled with other women who had hystorectomy's. Some have children, others who don't. Some as young as I am and others that are older. Some Christian and some not christian. It was awesome to see these women and read their stories and know for 100% certainty that I was having normal feelings and that it is rude for people to treat me any differently.
It goes back to Jesus treating everyone the same and being a friend to the friendless. People tend to forget that Jesus didn't judge on what a person could or couldn't do or what a person had been through. I believe Jesus sees I love my stepchildren and try to do right by them. I know he sees that I love him and am trying to live the life he asks of me. I know he has a plan for me. I just wish sometimes other people would see my heart before they ran their mouths!
Wednesday, August 4, 2010
God is in Control!
Don't you love that God is in control. It is hard sometimes to feel that way when life seems to throw you one curve ball after another. That's when being in the Word is so much more important during the calm tims so that when you get to the hard times you have some foundation of truth and you know that God is taking care of the situation.
In the last 2 years, there have been so many times when I questioned God about what I was going through. I didn't understand why I had to go through what I did. Now I am glad I went through it because on the other side I could see where God was teaching me or where he was trying to get me to go. Sometimes it was easier to get me there than at others, but that was always my fault. If I had listened to God and done as he asked, I wouldn't have had to go the hard way there, but even when I am in disobedience he is there loving me and showing me how to get back to the right road. I am so thankful for that! My heart truly breaks for those that don't know Christ and are truly feeling alone in the hard times of life.
In the last 2 years, there have been so many times when I questioned God about what I was going through. I didn't understand why I had to go through what I did. Now I am glad I went through it because on the other side I could see where God was teaching me or where he was trying to get me to go. Sometimes it was easier to get me there than at others, but that was always my fault. If I had listened to God and done as he asked, I wouldn't have had to go the hard way there, but even when I am in disobedience he is there loving me and showing me how to get back to the right road. I am so thankful for that! My heart truly breaks for those that don't know Christ and are truly feeling alone in the hard times of life.
Friday, August 14, 2009
Catching UP
I have been a blogging slacker! I have been very busy and do not have internet access at our new house. I am going to work on my blogs at home and then try to put them in when I can get to the internet. Just a quick update, God has been working in my life like crazy and I am so glad that he is with me everyday. There have been some days that have been a struggle to deal with life, but with God beside me it has been easier to get through the trials and tribulations. I am thankful he is there through everything! Good and bad! I hope everyone is doing well and that you will check back to see my hopefully new posts soon!
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
Joy of children
I work in a daycare with 3-5 year olds, but everyday I also deal with the 1 and 2 year olds. These kids can teach you so much! My kids are constantly astounding me at their knowledge of things as well as their creativity. Oh if I could just harness all of it and a little energy, I could make it through anything! lol Let's just say they wear me out, but it is all worth it!
I cherish all the kids at the daycare because they bring so much to my life and I would stand up for any of them. Even the most stubborn of my children. That's why I am so mind boggled when I hear of people who can't be nice to kids or see people that are just plain out mean.
Don't get me wrong, I know they can try your patience and at times make you want to pull your hair out, but the enjoyment they bring and the love they show you makes up for those crazy times.
I can see why Jesus said we should be like children because their innocence and constant love and devotion is how we should be to him. Children copy what they see. They mimic you and their environment. If we love God and make him our environment we will be like him, if we let the world be our environment, then we will let that rule what we do and how we act.
So the next time you have the time, watch a child's face light up at some funny thing or some wonder they just discovered. Watch the way they look at you when you praise them or when they are just happy you are there! Then turn around and show that face to God and see how quickly your day is brightened. Remember children don't stay sad for long! A smile is usually only a second away!
I cherish all the kids at the daycare because they bring so much to my life and I would stand up for any of them. Even the most stubborn of my children. That's why I am so mind boggled when I hear of people who can't be nice to kids or see people that are just plain out mean.
Don't get me wrong, I know they can try your patience and at times make you want to pull your hair out, but the enjoyment they bring and the love they show you makes up for those crazy times.
I can see why Jesus said we should be like children because their innocence and constant love and devotion is how we should be to him. Children copy what they see. They mimic you and their environment. If we love God and make him our environment we will be like him, if we let the world be our environment, then we will let that rule what we do and how we act.
So the next time you have the time, watch a child's face light up at some funny thing or some wonder they just discovered. Watch the way they look at you when you praise them or when they are just happy you are there! Then turn around and show that face to God and see how quickly your day is brightened. Remember children don't stay sad for long! A smile is usually only a second away!
Monday, January 19, 2009
Loving Blindly
We are taught throughout our life that love has to be blind. I say if you follow that rule you are setting yourself up for failure!
True love isn't blind! True love sees the faults of another and loves them in spite of those faults. If you think about it, isn't that how Jesus loves us?
Jesus doesn't blindly love us. He sees all our good and bad faults and still chooses to love us. He knew our faults when he died on the cross.
So why are we loving blindly? To me, you are a fool if you choose to ignore bad faults! Those faults will eventually be seen and then you will have to deal with them. Choosing to see them first and loving them anyway makes more sense doesn't it? Then you aren't "surprised" down the road.
Be careful though! Don't love somebody too closely who's faults are more than you can deal with! You can love them from a distance if need be. But don't not see their faults!
Jesus never loved blind! He saw Lazarus as he was and still ate with him. He knew David was an adulterer and murderer and still picked him as a chosen one. As you read through your Bible God shows his loving mercy over and over again and all in spite of our ugly faults.
Next time you are loking to love, don't turn a blind eye to that person. See their faults and then decide if you are going to love them from near or a far! Remeber Jesus died for you in spite of your faults!
True love isn't blind! True love sees the faults of another and loves them in spite of those faults. If you think about it, isn't that how Jesus loves us?
Jesus doesn't blindly love us. He sees all our good and bad faults and still chooses to love us. He knew our faults when he died on the cross.
So why are we loving blindly? To me, you are a fool if you choose to ignore bad faults! Those faults will eventually be seen and then you will have to deal with them. Choosing to see them first and loving them anyway makes more sense doesn't it? Then you aren't "surprised" down the road.
Be careful though! Don't love somebody too closely who's faults are more than you can deal with! You can love them from a distance if need be. But don't not see their faults!
Jesus never loved blind! He saw Lazarus as he was and still ate with him. He knew David was an adulterer and murderer and still picked him as a chosen one. As you read through your Bible God shows his loving mercy over and over again and all in spite of our ugly faults.
Next time you are loking to love, don't turn a blind eye to that person. See their faults and then decide if you are going to love them from near or a far! Remeber Jesus died for you in spite of your faults!
Sunday, January 4, 2009
Painful Love
I wonder if Paul found that the people he loved the most were the hardest to love? If the ones who he grieved over tended to be the ones who cut him the deepest? Whereas God will never harm us, it seems the people we love the most are the ones who burden us the most. At times they are the ones who cost us the most.
God tells us he will never give us more than we can handle, but it feels like, at times, I can't take anymore. Where faith in him is required at all times; it is when I can no longer give anymore of myself when God has to take over. When there is nothing of me left is when God has to fill me up.
Jesus grieved for the lost. His heart was with the lost. It was also the lost that caused him great suffering, but it was those that were closest to him that hurt him deeply. Judas betrayed him, Peter denied him, and daily, saved people sin ever though he died to save us.
I wonder if, like me, Paul shed more heartfelt tears over those closest to him? How are we to continually love those who throw our love back when we are but mere humans? Thank goodness God is there to build up our weaknesses so we can continue to love whole heartedly those we have a burden for!
2 Corinthians 2:4
God tells us he will never give us more than we can handle, but it feels like, at times, I can't take anymore. Where faith in him is required at all times; it is when I can no longer give anymore of myself when God has to take over. When there is nothing of me left is when God has to fill me up.
Jesus grieved for the lost. His heart was with the lost. It was also the lost that caused him great suffering, but it was those that were closest to him that hurt him deeply. Judas betrayed him, Peter denied him, and daily, saved people sin ever though he died to save us.
I wonder if, like me, Paul shed more heartfelt tears over those closest to him? How are we to continually love those who throw our love back when we are but mere humans? Thank goodness God is there to build up our weaknesses so we can continue to love whole heartedly those we have a burden for!
2 Corinthians 2:4
Wednesday, December 24, 2008
My Christmas Message
Luke 2
Last night, at church, the youth pastor Justin preached a very stirring Christmas sermon. He preached on 7 Christmas Messages found in Luke 2. One in particular stood out to me.
He talked about the Innkeeper that showed Mary and Joseph to the stable because he had no room in his inn. Justin said the Innkeeper teaches us a message of rejection. He told us the Innkeeper gave Mary and Joseph the stable when he did have room in the inn. He could have given his own room, but instead he didn't want to inconvience himself.
Can you imagine a young woman and her husband being forced to travel, when she's due, to a foreign land only to realize they are having to stay in a stable? Can you imagine them at your door asking for a room? What would you do? Could you send a very pregnant woman to the barn to have her child? What if she wasn't pregnant? What if she was juat a travel wary person looking for a place to rest?
This message hit hard because I am willing to give up some of my creature comforts, but my bed to sleep in the barn? That is what God did for us though! He gave up heaven to be born to a woman of lowly status. Her husband, a carpenter, couldn't afford nicities like higher up merchants.
So why would God give up heaven to be born in a barn? To give us a chance to live in heaven and to be with him! He wanted us with him so desperately that he humbeled himself to being born in a feeding trough!
So I ask again... Are you willing to give up your creature comforts to help God? This Christmas instead of worrying about the food, gifts, church, and everything we worry about at this time of year; stop and go out of your way to help someone out. This is a challenge to me as well.
Reach past what's comfortable. Open your home to a needy person, feed an extra family, buy gifts for kids that need it. Give up your Christmas to give someone else a Christmas.
I know this is a hard thing to do, especially during this economic time, but if Mary and Joseph showed up at your door would you send them to the barn or give them your bed?
Last night, at church, the youth pastor Justin preached a very stirring Christmas sermon. He preached on 7 Christmas Messages found in Luke 2. One in particular stood out to me.
He talked about the Innkeeper that showed Mary and Joseph to the stable because he had no room in his inn. Justin said the Innkeeper teaches us a message of rejection. He told us the Innkeeper gave Mary and Joseph the stable when he did have room in the inn. He could have given his own room, but instead he didn't want to inconvience himself.
Can you imagine a young woman and her husband being forced to travel, when she's due, to a foreign land only to realize they are having to stay in a stable? Can you imagine them at your door asking for a room? What would you do? Could you send a very pregnant woman to the barn to have her child? What if she wasn't pregnant? What if she was juat a travel wary person looking for a place to rest?
This message hit hard because I am willing to give up some of my creature comforts, but my bed to sleep in the barn? That is what God did for us though! He gave up heaven to be born to a woman of lowly status. Her husband, a carpenter, couldn't afford nicities like higher up merchants.
So why would God give up heaven to be born in a barn? To give us a chance to live in heaven and to be with him! He wanted us with him so desperately that he humbeled himself to being born in a feeding trough!
So I ask again... Are you willing to give up your creature comforts to help God? This Christmas instead of worrying about the food, gifts, church, and everything we worry about at this time of year; stop and go out of your way to help someone out. This is a challenge to me as well.
Reach past what's comfortable. Open your home to a needy person, feed an extra family, buy gifts for kids that need it. Give up your Christmas to give someone else a Christmas.
I know this is a hard thing to do, especially during this economic time, but if Mary and Joseph showed up at your door would you send them to the barn or give them your bed?
Sunday, December 14, 2008
Tribulation
tribulation: great trouble or misery; severe trial; affliction
It seems this week has been a week of trials and tribulations. I can't say I have had the joy in my heart that I should have had through them. But later I have remembered that God uses trials to draw us closer to him and I can't help but smile.
What? Joy through tribulation? Yep!
We should have joy through all things, especially tribulations. Satan rejoices when we go through hard times and get sour and bitter about them because we aren't drawing closer to our Maker. When we are happy through our troubles then we know our Lord is near us because you can't be joyful through tribulation without God's hand on our life.
I have also been reminded that God doesn't put on us more than we can bear! Granted their have been times when I have hit my knees and had to say "Uncle", but then I realize maybe if I had of run to God at the first sign of trouble I may not of had to go through the other troubles or maybe God is trying to teach me a lesson.
Many of the faithful have gone through tribulation and have done it with a joyful heart or with gladness. In Foxe's Book of Martyrs, a woman named Blandina "endured stripes, the tearing of beasts, and the iron chair, she was enclosed in a net and thrown to a bull"; before she went to meet her Lord. In the book she is described to be "rejoicing and triumphing in her exit, as if invited to a marriage supper."
WOW! To go through all that and to be happy about it! Reading about her and the rest of the martyrs during that time makes me realize that I have nothing to complain about.
Since the Bible says to be joyful in all things I am going to try to continually have joy in my heart and then try to instantly turn to God instead of pouting or trying to fix it myself.
Verses for thought:
"And not onlyl so, but we glory in tribulations also: knowing that tribulation worketh patience"
Romans 5:3
And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.
Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in necessities, in persecutions, in distresses for Christ's sake: for when I am weak, then am I strong.
2 Corinthians 12:9-10
Confirming the souls of the disciples and exhorting them to continue in the faith, and that we must through much tribulation enter into the kingdom of God.
Acts 14:22
These things have I spoken unto you, that my joy might remain in you, and that your joy might be full.
John 15:11
My brethern count it all joy when ye fall into divers temptations;
James 1:2
Always in every prayer of mine for you all making request with joy.
Phillipians 1:4
It seems this week has been a week of trials and tribulations. I can't say I have had the joy in my heart that I should have had through them. But later I have remembered that God uses trials to draw us closer to him and I can't help but smile.
What? Joy through tribulation? Yep!
We should have joy through all things, especially tribulations. Satan rejoices when we go through hard times and get sour and bitter about them because we aren't drawing closer to our Maker. When we are happy through our troubles then we know our Lord is near us because you can't be joyful through tribulation without God's hand on our life.
I have also been reminded that God doesn't put on us more than we can bear! Granted their have been times when I have hit my knees and had to say "Uncle", but then I realize maybe if I had of run to God at the first sign of trouble I may not of had to go through the other troubles or maybe God is trying to teach me a lesson.
Many of the faithful have gone through tribulation and have done it with a joyful heart or with gladness. In Foxe's Book of Martyrs, a woman named Blandina "endured stripes, the tearing of beasts, and the iron chair, she was enclosed in a net and thrown to a bull"; before she went to meet her Lord. In the book she is described to be "rejoicing and triumphing in her exit, as if invited to a marriage supper."
WOW! To go through all that and to be happy about it! Reading about her and the rest of the martyrs during that time makes me realize that I have nothing to complain about.
Since the Bible says to be joyful in all things I am going to try to continually have joy in my heart and then try to instantly turn to God instead of pouting or trying to fix it myself.
Verses for thought:
"And not onlyl so, but we glory in tribulations also: knowing that tribulation worketh patience"
Romans 5:3
And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.
Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in necessities, in persecutions, in distresses for Christ's sake: for when I am weak, then am I strong.
2 Corinthians 12:9-10
Confirming the souls of the disciples and exhorting them to continue in the faith, and that we must through much tribulation enter into the kingdom of God.
Acts 14:22
These things have I spoken unto you, that my joy might remain in you, and that your joy might be full.
John 15:11
My brethern count it all joy when ye fall into divers temptations;
James 1:2
Always in every prayer of mine for you all making request with joy.
Phillipians 1:4
Sunday, November 30, 2008
Loving forgiveness
Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly in all wisdom; teaching and admonishing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing with grace in your hearts to the Lord.
Col 3:16
Be kindly affectioned one to another with brotherly love; in honor preferring one another.
Rom. 12:10
After working with dogs for so many years, I find it amazing at how quickly they adapt to new surroundings. An abused dog can turn into a social butterfly; an outgoing dog can cower depending on the care he/she recieves.
The thing that strikes me through all this is the fact that a dog is ready and willing to forgive and forget past wrongs especially when given soemthing else to replace the behavior with. So why aren't people more willing to replace wrong behavior with better behavior? Why aren't people as ready to forgive or forget?
In the past few years, I have made some not so smart decisions and have wreaked havoc on my life. Now I am turning my life around and I find there are more discouraging people than encouraging people. People tend to be hesitant to listen when I talk about what I learned or when I want to give my opinion on a topic because I made the wrong decision before.
But isn't that the beauty of mistakes? Learning from your stupidness and then being able to share how God blessed you in spite of your humaness!
Recently people have made me feel like second chances aren't allowed, but I feel that God is all about second chances when we need them and in some cases third, fourth, and fifth chances. Think about it! If he only gave us one chance to do right none of us would make it! God readily forgives and forgets and encourages us to do better.
If God can be encouraging why can't people learn to be encouraging to a brother or sisiter who has stumbled. Wouldn't you prefer encouragers over doubting Thomas'?
Next time you are talking to someone who went through a rough patch, why don't you try words of encouragement instead of making them feel like they will never change and their past is what they are all about!
You never know what God is doing in their life! And if you can't find encouraging words try the Bible! It's full of them! Seriously, what's more encouraging than John 3:16? "For God So Loved The World He Gave His Only Begotten Son That Whosoever Believeth In Him Should Not Perish But Have Everlasting Life!"
Col 3:16
Be kindly affectioned one to another with brotherly love; in honor preferring one another.
Rom. 12:10
After working with dogs for so many years, I find it amazing at how quickly they adapt to new surroundings. An abused dog can turn into a social butterfly; an outgoing dog can cower depending on the care he/she recieves.
The thing that strikes me through all this is the fact that a dog is ready and willing to forgive and forget past wrongs especially when given soemthing else to replace the behavior with. So why aren't people more willing to replace wrong behavior with better behavior? Why aren't people as ready to forgive or forget?
In the past few years, I have made some not so smart decisions and have wreaked havoc on my life. Now I am turning my life around and I find there are more discouraging people than encouraging people. People tend to be hesitant to listen when I talk about what I learned or when I want to give my opinion on a topic because I made the wrong decision before.
But isn't that the beauty of mistakes? Learning from your stupidness and then being able to share how God blessed you in spite of your humaness!
Recently people have made me feel like second chances aren't allowed, but I feel that God is all about second chances when we need them and in some cases third, fourth, and fifth chances. Think about it! If he only gave us one chance to do right none of us would make it! God readily forgives and forgets and encourages us to do better.
If God can be encouraging why can't people learn to be encouraging to a brother or sisiter who has stumbled. Wouldn't you prefer encouragers over doubting Thomas'?
Next time you are talking to someone who went through a rough patch, why don't you try words of encouragement instead of making them feel like they will never change and their past is what they are all about!
You never know what God is doing in their life! And if you can't find encouraging words try the Bible! It's full of them! Seriously, what's more encouraging than John 3:16? "For God So Loved The World He Gave His Only Begotten Son That Whosoever Believeth In Him Should Not Perish But Have Everlasting Life!"
Saturday, November 15, 2008
Isaiah 54:1
Isaiah 54:1 "Sing, barren woman, you who never bore a child; burst into song, shout for joy, you who were never in labor; because more are the children of the desolate woman than of her who has a husband." says the Lord
As I read this verse in the middle of a Sunday morning service, I realized that God had finally answered my questions and pleas. I also realized I had opened my heart to him enough to allow an answer in.
I didn't know on November 1, 2006 how much of a burden I was going to carry when I went under the knife. I was so focused on relieving the pain, I was sure I could deal with any emotional side effects that hit me.
Over the next year I was too busy watching my world fall apart to care about the emotional side effects I was pushing aside. I was having to deal with too many other emotional problems.
Finally in the summer of 2007, I hit rock bottom. I had no where to turn to for comfort. I was too ashamed and angry to turn to the one that could help me the most. So I kept digging in the rocky terrain that makes up rock bottom trying to run from my troubles.
By spring of 2008 I was running out of steam. I couldn't not deal with the emotional issues anymore. I have to find an outlet.
In late 2007 I started to visit a church with a friend and that's when God started chipping away at my walls. I still resisted. Who does God think he is anyway?
Over the next several Sundays the pastor preached on marriage and what a husband's role is, what a wife's role is in a marriage, etc. according to the Bible. I can't even begin to tell you the emotional turmoil I was in. Every sermon reminded me of what I wanted and how much of a failure I was. I refused tofall back on old habits though. Something was pulling me forward.
Finally in the spring of 2008 God finally broke through my hatred and bitterness. I was too emotionally worn out to keep him out any longer. I finally started to listen. One by one, like science projects in the fridge, we began to identify each problem and throw them out.
First to go was my hatred and bitterness toward my failed marriage. That turned out to be easier than I expected. I realized I never loved him and had married him out of selfish desires. I was more upset at myself for being so stupid.
Next I had to goodbye to the anger toward my parents. The feelings of betrayal, sibling unfairness, and lack of support took a while to work through. I finally realized that being mad at them was only hurting me.
Then my anger at being barren had to go. First I had to identify that I wanted a child before I could work through the anger of losing that option. Lying to one's self is so much easier! Working through this took a lot of love and patience on God's part. I had just realized how much I wanted children and the implications of my surgery finally hit me. I didn't want to let God off the hook so easily.
As each one of the badly rotted dishes were thrown away, I started to realize where the real stink was coming from, the dirty refrigerator. It reeked of neglect and abuse. Stains that I knew would never come out. This old, battered, beat up, good for nothing refrigerator was of no use to anyone. No one would want to buy it, heck you probably couldn't pay someone to take it! I sat down and cried over how worthless I was. Now that I didn't have all that hate and bitterness at everyone else in there, I could finally see how much I hated myself and how much I blamed myself for such horrible acts I had done.
I pushed God away when he tried to hold me. I knew no one wanted something as worhless as me! I was empty with nothing to put back in.
On March 23, 2008, God finally showed me how much he wanted me. By showing me all the sins I had committed and reminding me how he died for those sins. He showed me how much he cared!
I didn't know how I deserved his love or even if I truly could accept it 100%, but I knew I desired him and really wanted to make up for all my wrong doings.
Since that miraculous day, God has shown me I don't have a debt to repay to him. He took care of it all on the cross so that I can accept him love in its fullest capacity. No strings attached.
The day I accepted him and his love, that old beat up, worthless refrigerator became brand new. The stains were gone, the stench was gone. It took a long time for me to see that I didn't have to wipe away the stains or that they were still there. He had already taken care of them.
The more I opened myself up to his love, the more I found I could love myself and start to love others. With love came forgiveness of myself and others and through that forgiveness I was finally able to have peace in my life.
I can not change the past. I still pray that one day the good Lord will bless me with a child, but for now I have the promise of Isaiah 54:1. The other stuff in my past is just a beautiful reminder that God gives second chances. It serves as a reminder of how I no longer want my life to be and a life that I no longer have to live.
I am a forgiven, redeemed, blessed child of God now and though I will never be perfect, I will always remain forgiven.
As I read this verse in the middle of a Sunday morning service, I realized that God had finally answered my questions and pleas. I also realized I had opened my heart to him enough to allow an answer in.
I didn't know on November 1, 2006 how much of a burden I was going to carry when I went under the knife. I was so focused on relieving the pain, I was sure I could deal with any emotional side effects that hit me.
Over the next year I was too busy watching my world fall apart to care about the emotional side effects I was pushing aside. I was having to deal with too many other emotional problems.
Finally in the summer of 2007, I hit rock bottom. I had no where to turn to for comfort. I was too ashamed and angry to turn to the one that could help me the most. So I kept digging in the rocky terrain that makes up rock bottom trying to run from my troubles.
By spring of 2008 I was running out of steam. I couldn't not deal with the emotional issues anymore. I have to find an outlet.
In late 2007 I started to visit a church with a friend and that's when God started chipping away at my walls. I still resisted. Who does God think he is anyway?
Over the next several Sundays the pastor preached on marriage and what a husband's role is, what a wife's role is in a marriage, etc. according to the Bible. I can't even begin to tell you the emotional turmoil I was in. Every sermon reminded me of what I wanted and how much of a failure I was. I refused tofall back on old habits though. Something was pulling me forward.
Finally in the spring of 2008 God finally broke through my hatred and bitterness. I was too emotionally worn out to keep him out any longer. I finally started to listen. One by one, like science projects in the fridge, we began to identify each problem and throw them out.
First to go was my hatred and bitterness toward my failed marriage. That turned out to be easier than I expected. I realized I never loved him and had married him out of selfish desires. I was more upset at myself for being so stupid.
Next I had to goodbye to the anger toward my parents. The feelings of betrayal, sibling unfairness, and lack of support took a while to work through. I finally realized that being mad at them was only hurting me.
Then my anger at being barren had to go. First I had to identify that I wanted a child before I could work through the anger of losing that option. Lying to one's self is so much easier! Working through this took a lot of love and patience on God's part. I had just realized how much I wanted children and the implications of my surgery finally hit me. I didn't want to let God off the hook so easily.
As each one of the badly rotted dishes were thrown away, I started to realize where the real stink was coming from, the dirty refrigerator. It reeked of neglect and abuse. Stains that I knew would never come out. This old, battered, beat up, good for nothing refrigerator was of no use to anyone. No one would want to buy it, heck you probably couldn't pay someone to take it! I sat down and cried over how worthless I was. Now that I didn't have all that hate and bitterness at everyone else in there, I could finally see how much I hated myself and how much I blamed myself for such horrible acts I had done.
I pushed God away when he tried to hold me. I knew no one wanted something as worhless as me! I was empty with nothing to put back in.
On March 23, 2008, God finally showed me how much he wanted me. By showing me all the sins I had committed and reminding me how he died for those sins. He showed me how much he cared!
I didn't know how I deserved his love or even if I truly could accept it 100%, but I knew I desired him and really wanted to make up for all my wrong doings.
Since that miraculous day, God has shown me I don't have a debt to repay to him. He took care of it all on the cross so that I can accept him love in its fullest capacity. No strings attached.
The day I accepted him and his love, that old beat up, worthless refrigerator became brand new. The stains were gone, the stench was gone. It took a long time for me to see that I didn't have to wipe away the stains or that they were still there. He had already taken care of them.
The more I opened myself up to his love, the more I found I could love myself and start to love others. With love came forgiveness of myself and others and through that forgiveness I was finally able to have peace in my life.
I can not change the past. I still pray that one day the good Lord will bless me with a child, but for now I have the promise of Isaiah 54:1. The other stuff in my past is just a beautiful reminder that God gives second chances. It serves as a reminder of how I no longer want my life to be and a life that I no longer have to live.
I am a forgiven, redeemed, blessed child of God now and though I will never be perfect, I will always remain forgiven.
Introduction
I am a 25 year old Southern Gal. I have been grooming pets for 6 years. I have been married once and divorced once. I am a born again, saved by grace christian and I don't mind letting people know what an amazing thing that happened to me when Jesus saved me. I am in a wonderful relationship and have many plans for my future.
The easiest way to describe me is laid back and fun loving. I like the simple life and tried not to get caught up in day to day craziness. I don't ask for a whole lot and try my best to show love to everyone everyday. Hopefully you will get to see my personality through this blog.
The easiest way to describe me is laid back and fun loving. I like the simple life and tried not to get caught up in day to day craziness. I don't ask for a whole lot and try my best to show love to everyone everyday. Hopefully you will get to see my personality through this blog.
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