How He Loves Me

If your heart is with God you tend to find him in the little things in life. You can't help but love him when the rain waters your parched plants or when someone encourages you in a terrible time. I had one of these moments last night.
Steve and I went bowling with our college class and that in itself is a blessing. All the young adults that we were there with love to have a good time and I have found that they have a good time doing whatever it is they are doing. Their passion in and of itself makes you feel like God is right there with you, laughing with you because people who love him were gathered together.
I have my own bowling ball from when I bowled in a league when I was previously married. When we split, my darling ex decided to draw a broken heart on everything I owned including on my actual bowling ball. Thankfully the other stuff he just drew on the boxes. Anyway, for three years now my bowling ball has had a broken heart crossed out on it in sharpie. I tried to clean it off to no avail.
Last night I thought I would ask the guys at the bowling alley how much it would cost to get it off or if they could even get it off. Instead of giving me a price they offered to do it for free. Even when it included having to sand the bowling ball, they still did it for free. To many people something like that wouldn't mean much, but to me it felt like God helping me get rid of anything that would remind me of my past failures. I knew in that moment that all God is worrying about is what my present and future holds. The past is of no consequence anymore. All that matters is being in love with my Father and living for him and anything that tries to get in the way of that is unacceptable.
I was so moved by such a small act of kindness that those guys did. I have been so blessed and in ways that I would never have expected. Not only has my heavenly father forgiven me for my past, but he has allowed me to forgive myself and those involved so that I can be an effective member of his family. What greater gift is there than that?
I have to encourage you, if you don't know your heavenly father on an intimate, personal level; I want to encourage you to get to know him on that level. Being in your Bible everyday. Studying His Word daily and taking time to pour your heart out to him helps you to develop a wonderful relationship with him. And in doing so, even when things aren't going exactly how you feel they should, you know that he is there keeping it all under control and helping you get through the troubled times.

Hurt feelings Followed by God's Blessings

We were at church last night and I was once again reminded of how women with kids like to look down on women without kids. I already feel awful that I had the decision taken from me and I don't need people reminding me they are somehow better than me, whether they truly are or are not. I try to remember that some people don't know I can't have kids and that it wasn't my choice, but it is still hard to deal with when someone reminds you that you don't have children. Ot that my stepchildren aren't my real children so the feelings toward them aren't the same. It is so hard for me to deal with not having my own children, but I try to rest in the arms and promises of God. It just doesn't stop the feelings that come when people say hurtful things.
Last night when we got home, I was feeling very hurt and very down. I was having a mild pity party. Thankfully my sweet hubby was a great listening ear, but I really wanted someone who knew what I was going through. I googled "Hystorectomy Under 30" and found a wonderful website called HysterSisters.com. Wow what a healing balm for my hurt feelings. This website was filled with other women who had hystorectomy's. Some have children, others who don't. Some as young as I am and others that are older. Some Christian and some not christian. It was awesome to see these women and read their stories and know for 100% certainty that I was having normal feelings and that it is rude for people to treat me any differently.
It goes back to Jesus treating everyone the same and being a friend to the friendless. People tend to forget that Jesus didn't judge on what a person could or couldn't do or what a person had been through. I believe Jesus sees I love my stepchildren and try to do right by them. I know he sees that I love him and am trying to live the life he asks of me. I know he has a plan for me. I just wish sometimes other people would see my heart before they ran their mouths!

God is in Control!

Don't you love that God is in control. It is hard sometimes to feel that way when life seems to throw you one curve ball after another. That's when being in the Word is so much more important during the calm tims so that when you get to the hard times you have some foundation of truth and you know that God is taking care of the situation.
In the last 2 years, there have been so many times when I questioned God about what I was going through. I didn't understand why I had to go through what I did. Now I am glad I went through it because on the other side I could see where God was teaching me or where he was trying to get me to go. Sometimes it was easier to get me there than at others, but that was always my fault. If I had listened to God and done as he asked, I wouldn't have had to go the hard way there, but even when I am in disobedience he is there loving me and showing me how to get back to the right road. I am so thankful for that! My heart truly breaks for those that don't know Christ and are truly feeling alone in the hard times of life.