I also tend to watch people from a different perspective than I did 10 years ago. I see things in a new way not only as an older person but in comparison to my life 10 years ago. I see so many girls that remind me of me at that age. I wish I could say that with pride, but I say it with shame because I was not the example I should have been. I wasn't a Christian, though I claimed to be, and I did not set a good example for many of my peers. I was a follower of the people around me instead of letting the people around me follow me to God.
I was listening on the radio the other night about being happily single because God can use you in a different way that what He can use married people. And whereas I am glad I am married to my wonderful husband, I can see where Paul was going with this. There are so many benefits to being a Godly single person.
I know we are taught from very young that being married is the only way to be. Marriage is a great thing, but it isn't for everyone and it isn't the earlier the better in a lot of cases. So many young people today wrap their identity around their relationships that they lose who they are or never learn who they are by themselves and with Christ. I know because I did this. I was so busy trying to please the person I was with at the time that I compromised what was precious and dear to me. I never learned to stand on my own without someone being there to hold me up. My identity muscles were weak, I guess you could say.
I have now worked on figuring out my identity and who I am in Christ, but it has been a long road. It would have been a lot easier to do on my own and when I was young than having to deal with it now when I have so much baggage piled on top of what God really wants to shine through. I regret very much that I didn't take the time to learn how to be me without someone else.
I am always encouraging young people to be single for a while and be able to figure out who they are without another person around. Especially young women who are taught that they are only complete with someone or once they get married. That's why we see so many women unhappy in marriage is because they don't figure out who they are before they try to love someone else.
Why do you think God tells us to love other AS YOURSELF. You can not love anyone else until you love yourself. You have to love yourself through the good, bad, ugly, and completely unbearable! You can only love yourself with the love of Christ. Otherwise it is downright impossible.
I thank God everyday that He put me with a man that has allowed me to work through the baggage with God only and didn't interfere while I had to do this. But it was also a very trying time for our relationship that thankfully we were able to work through. But I do regret that I didn't take the time to figure out how to survive without a man in my life before I got married the first time.
Here is my request, especially to the young women out there. Please go to college, get a job, and live on your own for a while. Let God show you that you don't have to sacrifice who you are in Him to have a relationship. Then let Him bring the right guy into your life and you will see how great a relationship based on God can be because you were confident in yourself in Christ. And if God wants you to be single. Rejoice in being single because He will use you in mighty and amazing ways!
We will always have struggles, but why make it any harder than it has to be.Figure out who you are in Christ before you complicate the situation by adding someone else. If you are not confident in Christ as yourself then you will take on the personality of the other person and lose yourself. Then you will end up resenting that other person down the road when you realize that you no longer know who you are.
And above all remember God loves you even when it feels like no one else does! He the perfect Father, Husband, Friend, Confidant, and above all Lord.
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